“Why Are We So Hard on Each Other? A Reflection on South Asian Female Competition and Self-Worth”

Have you ever caught yourself scrolling through social media, silently comparing yourself to another South Asian woman, and feeling the weight of it all? Maybe you saw someone with a seemingly perfect life, or a career you dream of, and thought, “Why can’t I get there?”

That feeling of “not enough” hits hard. And if we’re honest, it’s a familiar feeling many of us carry in silence. We’ve all been there — competing, measuring up, constantly questioning our worth based on the lives of others. But where did this internalized competition even come from?

The Unspoken Pressure of Competition

It’s no secret that South Asian culture places immense value on achievements — but the standards often feel unreasonably high. From academic success to career milestones, and even personal achievements like marriage or family, the invisible scoreboard keeps growing.

But it’s not just about reaching these milestones. It’s about doing it before everyone else — often at the expense of our mental health.

For so long, I felt like I had to keep up with everyone else to prove my worth. And it wasn’t just external pressure; it was something inside of me, too. The thought that “If she’s doing better, does that mean I’m failing?”

This constant comparison game — it’s draining. It makes you question everything about yourself and your path, leading to a cycle of self-doubt. But here’s the truth we often ignore:

Our worth is never tied to someone else’s success.

A Personal Wake-Up Call

I’ll be honest, it wasn’t until I had a moment of deep reflection that I realized how toxic this cycle was. I was constantly feeling like I was behind — like everyone else was ahead, living the life I was supposed to have.

But one day, after seeing yet another post of someone’s “success,” I asked myself:

“Why does their journey make me feel less worthy?”

The answer was clear: I had been taught to measure my success through someone else’s lens.

And that’s when the realization hit me: We don’t have to compete to be valuable.

Rewriting the Narrative

Once I started questioning the deep-seated competition, I had to consciously unlearn it. I stopped measuring my worth by external milestones and instead, started recognizing the things that made me feel whole.

Here’s what I learned in that process:

🌸 Success looks different for everyone.
🌸 It’s okay to go at your own pace.
🌸 You don’t need to outdo someone to prove you’re worthy.

And most importantly, I learned that being hard on myself, or on other women, only keeps us trapped in the cycle of comparison.

Why We Need to Lift Each Other Up

If there’s one thing I wish we could all embrace, it’s that we rise by lifting others.

When we let go of the idea that we have to be “better” than someone else, we create a space where we can genuinely celebrate each other’s wins. We can support, cheer on, and inspire without feeling threatened or insecure.

The competition we feel is mostly rooted in cultural conditioning and scarcity thinking. But there’s enough space for all of us to succeed, to thrive, and to be celebrated. It’s time we start seeing each other not as competition, but as sisters, allies, and co-creators.

Breaking the Cycle

Healing from this deeply ingrained pattern of competition is hard, but it’s so worth it. When I started being kinder to myself and other women, I noticed a shift: a more peaceful mind, a more empowered spirit, and a stronger sense of self-worth.

So, here’s my challenge to you (and to myself):

“What would happen if we chose to lift each other up, instead of tearing each other down?”

That’s the world I want to live in — and that’s the world I hope we can create together.