“When Winning Means Losing Each Other: Workplace Competition Between South Asian Women”
We walk into the office, ambitious, focused, and proud of how far we’ve come.
But sometimes, the hardest tension doesn’t come from the outside —
It comes from the woman who looks just like us across the conference table.
What happens when success becomes a silent war?
When climbing the ladder means climbing over each other?
The Unspoken Competition
Let’s be honest:
Seeing another South Asian woman in the workplace should feel like relief.
Like familiarity. Like community. Like finally, someone who gets it.
But for many of us, it’s not that simple.
We’ve been conditioned to think:
“There’s only room for one of us.”
“If she’s thriving, maybe I’m not doing enough.”
“I need to prove I’m the better one.”
This unspoken rivalry runs deep — and it hurts both of us.
Where It Comes From
It’s not always personal.
It’s generational. Systemic. Cultural.
Growing up, we were taught to:
- Compete for approval — from family, teachers, society.
- Compare achievements — who got better marks, who married “well,” who looks younger.
- Suppress vulnerability — because showing support might look like weakness.
We enter the workplace carrying all of that. And if we’re not aware, we repeat it.
I’ve Felt It Too
There was a time I couldn’t help but compare myself to another desi colleague.
We were in similar roles.
She got more visibility. I got more responsibility.
I smiled at her — but deep down, I felt… less than.
Until I asked myself:
Why do I feel threatened by her, when I should feel seen by her?
That moment changed everything.
What We Lose When We Compete
- We lose the chance to build powerful alliances.
- We lose potential mentorships and friendships.
- We lose trust — in ourselves and each other.
But most of all?
We lose the opportunity to rewrite the narrative.
Because the world already pits us against each other.
We don’t need to do it to ourselves.
What We Gain When We Choose Sisterhood
Imagine a workplace where: 💼 You recommend her for that leadership role.
💼 She speaks up for your idea in a meeting.
💼 You both grow — without fear of one outshining the other.
That’s not a fantasy. That’s what happens when we heal, unlearn, and support.
Ways to Shift the Dynamic
- Stop seeing her as your replacement — her success doesn’t threaten yours.
- Have real conversations — vulnerability builds bridges.
- Celebrate each other’s wins — publicly and sincerely.
- Call out systems, not sisters — the problem isn’t her, it’s the scarcity mindset we were fed.
A New Kind of Winning
True success?
It’s when we win with each other — not at each other’s expense.
Because there’s room for all of us.
And when one South Asian woman rises, she opens the door for many more.