The Myth of Resilience: Why South Asian Women Deserve to Be Vulnerable Too
Introduction: “You’re So Strong”
Growing up, Priya heard it often — a badge of honor wrapped in barbed wire:
“You’re so strong.”
It sounded like a compliment. But it felt like a prison.
She carried everyone’s pain. Smiled through her own.
When her anxiety became unbearable, she whispered to herself:
“Get over it. You’re fine. Strong girls don’t break.”
In South Asian culture, especially for daughters, strength isn’t just encouraged — it’s expected.
But what happens when strength becomes suffocation?
The Strong South Asian Woman Trope
The “strong brown girl” is celebrated for:
- Swallowing pain in silence
- Holding families together through trauma
- Putting herself last without complaint
- Pushing forward no matter what
She becomes the caregiver, the peacekeeper, the overachiever.
But rarely, the one who gets to rest, cry, or say “I can’t.”
Stat:
In a 2022 internal report by Brown Girl Therapy, 76% of South Asian women surveyed said they felt “emotionally responsible” for the wellbeing of their families.
Only 19% felt they had permission to be vulnerable.
Real Stories: Quiet Cracks in the Armor
Nilofer, 29, said:
“People always told me how proud they were of me. But no one ever asked if I was okay. Not even once. And I wasn’t.”
Ayesha, 33, added:
“I thought crying made me weak. I kept my depression hidden for two years. I didn’t want to ‘embarrass’ my family. I thought resilience meant silence.”
Anika, 26, shared:
“Even in therapy, I struggled to be honest. I felt guilty for talking about my parents, even though they hurt me. I had to unlearn the idea that strength meant protecting everyone else from my truth.”
These stories don’t come from weakness. They come from women who’ve spent a lifetime being strong for everyone else — and now are asking: when is it my turn to be held?
Resilience Without Rest Is Trauma in Disguise
Resilience isn’t inherently bad. But when it’s demanded constantly, without rest, softness, or support — it becomes emotional erosion.
- You smile through grief.
- You minimize your pain.
- You become fluent in suppression.
But healing begins when we say:
“I don’t want to be strong today. I want to be real.”
Therapist and advocate Meera Kumar puts it this way:
“Resilience is not about enduring everything. It’s about knowing when to pause, process, and protect your peace.”
Rewriting the Narrative: Vulnerability Is Power
Vulnerability doesn’t erase your strength — it deepens it.
It says:
- “I need help.”
- “I’m hurting.”
- “I matter too.”
And when South Asian women begin to say those things out loud, we begin to shift generations of emotional silencing.
Therapy, support groups, and safe friendships are helping women:
- Unlearn the guilt of being “too much”
- Let go of perfectionism
- Practice emotional self-care without shame
As one MannMukti community member shared:
“The bravest thing I did was admit I couldn’t do it alone anymore. I thought I’d lose respect. I gained freedom.”
Final Thoughts: You Deserve to Fall Apart
You don’t have to carry everything.
You don’t have to earn love through labor.
You don’t have to be the strong one all the time.
You can be soft. You can need help. You can break — and still be whole.
As Sahaj Kohli says:
“Being resilient isn’t just surviving — it’s knowing when to rest, receive, and say ‘no more.’“
Dear South Asian daughters, this is your permission slip to fall apart… and be loved anyway.
Quick Glance: How South Asian Women View Emotional Strength
| Statement | % of Women Who Agreed |
|---|---|
| “I feel pressure to always appear emotionally strong” | 84% |
| “I feel guilty when I cry or express sadness” | 63% |
| “I’ve hidden my mental health struggles to protect my family” | 71% |
| “I associate vulnerability with weakness” | 58% |
| “I want more space to rest and just be” | 91% |