Self-Care Isn’t Always Candles and Baths: What It Looks Like for South Asian Women
Opening Reflection
Self-care has been marketed as lavender baths and $40 face masks. But for many South Asian women, it’s not aesthetic — it’s survival. Self-care looks like setting boundaries with toxic relatives, reclaiming time to rest without guilt, and quietly unlearning generations of silence and shame.
It’s messy. It’s radical. And it’s necessary.
The Reality of Self-Care in South Asian Homes
In many South Asian households, the idea of putting yourself first is labeled selfish or shameful. Women are expected to be caregivers, emotional anchors, and problem-solvers — often at the cost of their own mental and physical health. So the version of self-care we’re sold online doesn’t always fit.
Instead, real self-care for South Asian women might be:
- Saying no without needing to explain.
- Choosing therapy over family pride.
- Resting on a Sunday without cooking for everyone.
- Letting go of the “perfect daughter” narrative.
What the Stats Say
- 63% of South Asian women said they struggle with guilt when practicing self-care.
- 71% reported they feel responsible for others’ emotional well-being.
- Only 18% said they were taught to prioritize their mental health growing up.
(Source: South Asian Mental Health Collective, 2023)
Redefining Self-Care, Our Way
Let’s expand the definition. Self-care can be:
- Turning off your phone during family drama.
- Cooking daal because it reminds you of home.
- Journaling in Urdu, Hindi, Tamil, Punjabi, or Bangla.
- Reclaiming rituals like oiling your hair, not for beauty, but for grounding.
It’s not about indulgence. It’s about interrupting the patterns that exhaust us.
Real Voices
“Self-care for me was learning how to say ‘I’m not okay’ in front of my parents — and not apologizing for it.”
— Rina, 28, Canada
“It’s not pretty. My version of self-care is going no-contact with relatives who made me question my worth.”
— Samira, 33, U.K.
✅ Self-Care Checklist (Rooted in Cultural Reality)
- ☐ I said no without explaining myself
- ☐ I rested without guilt
- ☐ I disconnected from comparison on social media
- ☐ I reached out to someone who gets it
- ☐ I cooked for myself, not others
- ☐ I journaled or reflected in my own language
- ☐ I chose peace over pleasing
✍️ Self-Care Reflection Worksheet
Section 1: What Self-Care Looks Like for You
| Prompt | Your Response |
|---|---|
| A self-care activity that helps me feel grounded: | ____________________________ |
| A boundary I want to practice more often: | ____________________________ |
| Someone I can turn to for support: | ____________________________ |
| A part of my culture that helps me rest or recharge: | ____________________________ |
Section 2: My Weekly Self-Care Plan
| Day | Self-Care Intention | Time Needed | How I Felt After |
|---|---|---|---|
| Monday | _________________ | _______ | ________________ |
| Tuesday | _________________ | _______ | ________________ |
| Wednesday | _________________ | _______ | ________________ |
| Thursday | _________________ | _______ | ________________ |
| Friday | _________________ | _______ | ________________ |
| Saturday | _________________ | _______ | ________________ |
| Sunday | _________________ | _______ | ________________ |
Quote to Carry With You:
“Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s how we survive what our mothers couldn’t name.”