“Not Your Competition: Rebuilding Trust in South Asian Female Friendships”
She walked into the room, radiant and self-assured —
and before I could say “hi,” my mind whispered,
“She’s probably judging me.”
Where did that come from?
Why does someone else’s shine make us question our own?
Let’s talk about the quiet tension, the mistrust, and the healing it takes to rebuild something we rarely admit we’ve lost —
trust in each other.
We Were Taught to Compete, Not Connect
From a young age, many of us were praised when we outdid another girl —
when we got the highest marks, the prettiest outfit, the most “marriage potential.”
We didn’t realize it then,
but those gold stars came at the cost of sisterhood.
We weren’t taught to build each other up.
We were taught to “win.”
When Friendship Becomes a Silent Competition
Ever felt that awkward pause in a group of desi girls?
That performative kindness that’s laced with subtle shade?
It’s the compliment that feels like a critique.
The support that disappears when you’re doing well.
The friend who ghosted when you got the opportunity she wanted.
It hurts. And it’s not always obvious.
But it adds up — and builds walls between us.
I’ve Been That Friend, Too
I’ll be honest:
There were times I’ve looked at another South Asian woman and thought,
“She’s probably better than me.”
“I need to prove I’m not falling behind.”
Instead of reaching out, I pulled back.
Instead of cheering her on, I stayed silent.
Not because I didn’t care — but because I didn’t know how to feel safe.
Relearning Trust, One Connection at a Time
Here’s the truth that changed everything:
She is not my competition. She is my reflection.
When I started healing my own insecurities, I could see her more clearly.
Not as someone to outshine, but someone to walk beside.
And when I began to open up — really open up —
the friendships that bloomed were deeper than anything I’d known before.
Signs You’re Rebuilding That Trust
🌸 You can celebrate her without comparing.
🌸 You feel joy in her success — not fear.
🌸 You speak kindly about other women, even when they’re not around.
🌸 You believe there’s enough room for all of us to thrive.
Ways to Strengthen Sisterhood
✨ Lead with vulnerability. Real friendships require real honesty.
✨ Check your inner voice. Is it cheering or competing?
✨ Unfollow the drama. Not everything needs a comparison.
✨ Start small. Compliment her. DM her. Include her. Uplift her.
A New Narrative
Imagine what we could build —
if we chose trust over judgment,
compassion over comparison,
and friendship over fear.
We’re not each other’s rivals.
We’re each other’s hope, healing, and home.