“Not Your Average Daughter: Redefining Success for South Asian Girls and Overcoming the Fear of Disappointment”
Growing up as a South Asian girl often comes with a script already written — excel academically, be respectful, get a “respectable” job, marry someone your parents approve of, and above all, never bring shame or disappointment to the family name. From a young age, many of us are taught that success is defined by how closely we follow this script. But what happens when your version of success doesn’t align with theirs?
You’re left feeling like the “disobedient” one. The rebel. The disappointment. The not-so-average daughter.
The Pressure to Please
In many South Asian households, love and approval can feel conditional — tied to achievement, obedience, and sacrifice. There’s a silent burden to not just succeed, but to succeed in a very specific way: become a doctor, engineer, or lawyer. Be agreeable, not assertive. Be modest, but also graceful. Be perfect, without ever asking for space to just be yourself.
And if you deviate from these expectations — if you choose art over accounting, therapy over engineering, or independence over arranged marriage — the fear of disappointing your family can feel like a chokehold.
The Hidden Toll
Pie Chart: Highlights the most common parental expectations placed on South Asian girls, such as pursuing traditional careers or maintaining family approval.
Bar Chart: Shows key pressure points experienced by South Asian girls, with the highest stress reported in areas like academics, career choices, and marriage expectations.
This pressure doesn’t just create stress — it chips away at your confidence, mental health, and identity. You start to question your worth when you’re not meeting the “standard.” The desire to please others overshadows your desire to understand yourself.
Many South Asian girls learn to shrink themselves, suppressing dreams that feel “too selfish” or “too Western.” We become fluent in code-switching, navigating between who we are at home and who we want to be in the world.
But at some point, that duality becomes exhausting.
Redefining Success
What if success wasn’t defined by others — but by you?
What if being the “not-so-average” daughter meant you had the courage to forge your own path, even if it’s messy, misunderstood, or untraditional?
Redefining success means:
- Choosing authenticity over approval.
- Valuing your mental well-being over social image.
- Making peace with being misunderstood.
- Being proud of small wins that align with your purpose, not someone else’s checklist.
Success might look like going to therapy. Saying “no” to a path that doesn’t fulfill you. Speaking your truth at the dinner table. Starting a business your parents don’t understand (yet). It might even look like failure — because you dared to try.
You’re Not Alone
You are not the only South Asian girl who has cried after being called “too much,” “too emotional,” “too western,” or “too rebellious.” You’re not alone in carrying the guilt of feeling like you’ve let your family down — even when you’re doing what’s best for you.
There’s a growing community of women just like you — who are unlearning the belief that love must be earned through perfection. Who are rewriting the narrative of what it means to be a good daughter. Who are showing the next generation that there is more than one way to honor where you come from.
Being the “not your average daughter” isn’t a failure — it’s a revolution.