“Marriage, Motherhood, and Martyrdom: Why South Asian Women Are Expected to Endure”
In South Asian culture, women often face an unspoken yet overwhelming expectation to endure. Whether it’s the pressure of marriage, the challenges of motherhood, or the demands of family, women are conditioned to accept their roles with grace and sacrifice. The idea of martyrdom becomes almost romanticized — women are expected to endure hardships, internal struggles, and personal sacrifices for the greater good of the family and society. But what happens when this endurance becomes too much to bear?
The Burden of Marriage
Marriage is often portrayed as the ultimate goal for women in many South Asian communities. It’s not just a union between two individuals, but a societal expectation that defines a woman’s role, worth, and identity. Once married, a woman’s life is expected to revolve around her husband’s needs, her children’s futures, and the well-being of the entire extended family. Sacrificing one’s personal desires becomes a symbol of strength and loyalty.
But in the movie Good Newwz, Kareena Kapoor’s character, a modern, career-driven woman, challenges this very idea when she delivers a powerful speech about how women are expected to endure every sacrifice without ever being given credit for it. She says:
“Why does it always have to be the woman who compromises? Why is it that when a woman makes a sacrifice, it’s seen as her duty, but when a man makes one, it’s celebrated?”
This line captures the essence of how South Asian women are expected to be martyrs in their relationships and families, never questioning the emotional toll their sacrifices take. Women are often told to bear the weight of everyone’s needs while quietly burying their own desires and aspirations.
Motherhood and the Superwoman Ideal
Motherhood in South Asia is another area where the myth of martyrdom thrives. The role of a mother is elevated to an almost divine status, but it comes with an exhausting set of expectations. From managing the household to emotionally supporting every member of the family, a South Asian mother is often seen as the emotional anchor, yet never allowed the space to falter.
In the popular Pakistani drama Razia, Mahira Khan’s character beautifully articulates the emotional complexity of motherhood when she says:
“Being a mother doesn’t mean you lose yourself; it means you find the strength to be everything for everyone, but still be whole.”
This quote speaks volumes about the duality mothers often face. They are expected to give everything — from their time to their emotional energy — while still maintaining a sense of self. The societal pressures that demand perfection and selflessness from women in their roles as wives and mothers leave little room for personal growth or self-care.
The Toll of Martyrdom on Emotional Health
As these roles of marriage and motherhood are celebrated, there’s often no room for South Asian women to express their struggles or grief. The silent endurance becomes a heavy burden that impacts their emotional, mental, and even physical well-being. The expectation to continue giving without ever asking for support or acknowledging their pain creates a deep sense of isolation.
The emotional toll of this martyrdom often leads to a variety of consequences:
- Suppressed Emotions: With no space to express their dissatisfaction or grief, women begin to internalize their struggles. Over time, this can manifest in mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.
- Relationship Strain: The unspoken emotional burden women carry may lead to resentment and disconnection within relationships, particularly when they feel that their efforts go unrecognized.
- Identity Crisis: Constantly putting others’ needs above their own can lead to a loss of identity. Women may feel that they no longer know who they are outside of their roles as wives and mothers.
Redefining Strength
The narratives of martyrdom and sacrifice are deeply entrenched in South Asian culture, but it’s time to question these traditional ideals. True strength lies in acknowledging and respecting one’s emotional needs. South Asian women deserve to redefine their roles — not as martyrs, but as individuals with their own desires, dreams, and boundaries.
Breaking free from the expectations of perpetual endurance requires a collective effort to:
- Redefine Success: Moving away from the idea that sacrifice equals love, and recognizing that taking care of oneself is equally important.
- Create Support Systems: Providing emotional and psychological support for women, enabling them to thrive in their roles without feeling depleted.
- Encourage Emotional Expression: Normalizing conversations about mental health, grief, and personal needs, so that women can express vulnerability without shame.
In the end, real strength isn’t about enduring in silence; it’s about embracing the power to say “I matter too.” Women can’t be expected to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders without acknowledging their own emotional and physical needs.