“Log Kya Kahenge?”: Confidence Beyond Approval
A deep dive into the Desi obsession with reputation and how to detach your confidence from others’ opinions.
From what you wear to who you date, from what you study to when you get married—there’s a familiar voice that echoes in every desi girl’s head: “Log kya kahenge?” (What will people say?) Whether it’s your neighbour’s gossip or your uncle’s judgmental stares, South Asian culture can often feel like a constant performance for an invisible audience.
But here’s the truth: you were never born to be everyone’s cup of chai. Your confidence deserves to be rooted in who you are, not in who others expect you to be.
Let’s unpack how to break free from this approval trap and step into unapologetic self-worth.
1. Understanding the “Log” in “Log Kya Kahenge”
Who are these “log” anyway? Half the time, it’s people you wouldn’t even take advice from—yet their opinions somehow dictate your life choices. Real talk: most people are projecting their own insecurities. The problem isn’t you—it’s their fear of seeing someone live freely.
Affirmation: “Their opinion is not my responsibility.”
2. You Are Not a Family Trophy or Cultural Symbol
You are a full human being—not just someone’s daughter, rishta material, or future bahu. It’s okay to choose a different path, to disappoint people, or to be “too much.” You weren’t put on this earth to be palatable.
Tip: Check in with yourself before making any big decisions: “Am I doing this for me, or to avoid judgment?”
3. From Approval to Alignment
Start choosing actions that feel aligned with your values, not just socially accepted. Confidence isn’t about being praised—it’s about standing tall even when no one claps.
Try this: Make a list of 5 things you love about yourself that have nothing to do with looks, status, or approval.
4. The Gossip Will Fade. Your Peace Won’t.
People may talk for a few days, but their attention span is short. What lasts longer? The regret of not living your truth. Protect your peace—not your image.
Mantra: “I don’t exist to be understood by everyone.”
5. Redefine Respect on Your Terms
Many desi girls are taught to believe that being “respectable” equals being silent, submissive, or selfless. But true respect starts with how you treat yourself. Speak up. Take space. Set boundaries.
Journal prompt: “What does respect look like when I’m the one defining it?”
6. Replace Guilt with Compassion
Every time you feel guilt for choosing yourself, remind yourself that self-trust isn’t selfish. You can still love your culture, care for your family, and be your own person.
Practice: Instead of saying “I feel bad,” try saying “I chose myself this time—and that’s okay.”
7. Surround Yourself With People Who Get It
Confidence blooms when you’re not constantly on defense. Find friends, creators, or communities that celebrate individuality over image. You deserve to be seen for who you are—not for how well you perform.
Mantra: “I’m not rebellious. I’m just real.”
Final Thoughts:
The fear of “log kya kahenge” is real—but it’s also optional. You don’t need their approval to be valid, beautiful, or brave. Every time you choose authenticity over applause, you’re rewriting what it means to be a confident South Asian woman.