It’s Not Your Daughters Fault, It’s The Male That Is At Fault

It’s Not Your Daughter’s Fault, It’s the Male That Is at Fault

Growing up as a South Asian woman, I’ve witnessed a troubling pattern: whenever something goes wrong, the fingers often point first at the daughters, the sisters, the women. But it’s time we confront a harsh truth—one that too many are unwilling to acknowledge. It’s not your daughter’s fault. It’s the male that is at fault.

How many times have we heard it? “She shouldn’t have been out so late,” “Why was she wearing that?” “She must have provoked him.” These are the kinds of statements that shift the blame onto women, pushing us into a corner where we’re expected to be the ones who bear the shame. But why should we? Why is the onus always on us to protect ourselves from the very society that refuses to protect us? The problem isn’t our behavior, our clothes, or our choices—it’s the deeply ingrained mentality that men’s actions are somehow excusable while women must constantly police themselves.

In South Asian communities, these attitudes are even more pronounced. Daughters are often seen as the torchbearers of family honor, while sons are given a freer rein. If a woman faces harassment or worse, the questions immediately focus on what she did wrong. But let’s be clear: the fault lies squarely with the men who choose to harm, objectify, or disrespect women. It’s their actions, their choices, and their behavior that need to be scrutinized, not ours.

It’s heartbreaking to think about how many young girls grow up internalizing this blame. We’re taught to be cautious, to avoid drawing attention to ourselves, to be “good girls” who don’t bring shame upon the family. But this kind of thinking doesn’t protect us—it only perpetuates a culture that excuses male misconduct and punishes women for existing. It’s time to break this cycle.

Every time I hear of a woman being blamed for something a man did, it fills me with a mix of anger and sadness. Anger, because it’s so blatantly unfair, and sadness, because I know it’s a reality that so many of us have had to endure. We shouldn’t have to live our lives in fear of being blamed for things we didn’t do. We shouldn’t have to bear the burden of men’s actions. And yet, time and again, that’s exactly what happens.

Imagine a world where the focus shifts from what women are doing wrong to what men should be doing right. A world where instead of questioning why your daughter was out late, you ask why a man thought it was okay to harass her in the first place. A world where instead of teaching girls to be quiet and demure, we teach boys to respect boundaries and see women as equals. This isn’t just wishful thinking—it’s a necessity.

The change we need isn’t just about empowering women; it’s about holding men accountable. It’s about changing the narrative so that when something happens, the first question isn’t “What did she do?” but “Why did he think he could do that?” It’s about teaching our sons that their actions have consequences, and those consequences don’t fall on the women around them but on themselves.

As a South Asian woman, I know the weight of these expectations, the pressure to conform, and the fear of stepping out of line. But I also know that this isn’t the way it has to be. We can create a new narrative, one where daughters aren’t blamed for the actions of others, where women aren’t seen as the keepers of family honor at the expense of their own dignity. We can, and we must, shift the blame where it truly belongs.

It’s not your daughter’s fault. It’s the male that is at fault. And until we start acknowledging this truth, we’ll continue to live in a society that fails its women. So let’s stop asking what women did to deserve this treatment and start asking what we can do to change the way men think, behave, and act. It’s time to hold the right people accountable, and it’s time for the blame to end where it belongs—with the men who perpetrate the harm.