“Is It Confidence or Comparison?” – Dissecting Where Our Value Truly Comes From
There’s a fine line — sometimes invisible — between confidence and comparison.
One lifts you up from within.
The other needs someone else to be beneath you.
And for so many South Asian women, we’ve been taught that “feeling good about yourself” often means being better than someone else — prettier, smarter, more successful, more desirable.
But here’s the hard truth:
If your self-worth relies on someone else’s lack, is it really confidence?
Or is it just comparison wearing a prettier outfit?
How We Learn to Measure Ourselves Against Others
From childhood, we were quietly trained to link our value to someone else’s.
“Look at how well she’s doing.”
“Why can’t you be more like her?”
“She’s already married — what are you waiting for?”
Sound familiar?
And with every comparison, we didn’t just learn about her — we learned something about ourselves… usually that we were lacking.
So when we finally accomplish something, it often comes with a hidden undertone of relief, like, “At least now I’m ahead.”
But that kind of validation doesn’t last.
Because it’s not rooted in you — it’s rooted in the race.
What Real Confidence Actually Feels Like
Real confidence is quieter. Softer.
It doesn’t need to be loud or proven. It doesn’t shrink others to feel tall.
It’s waking up and knowing that who you are — just as you are — is enough.
Whether or not someone else is shining next to you.
It’s when someone else succeeds and your first reaction is, “I’m happy for her,” not, “Why not me?”
That’s the difference.
Confidence celebrates.
Comparison competes.
Let’s Get Honest With Ourselves
Have you ever felt a twinge of jealousy?
A pang of irritation when another woman achieves something before you?
It’s okay. You’re not a bad person — you’re human.
But those feelings are messengers. They’re telling you something is off internally. Not with her, but with what you’ve been told you need to be.
The moment you begin to untangle your worth from someone else’s journey… you begin to heal.
So, Where Does Your Value Really Come From?
Not from your resume.
Not from your marital status.
Not from your appearance or your ability to impress a room.
It comes from your essence — the quiet strength, softness, resilience, and creativity that are already within you.
You don’t have to compare to know you matter.
You just have to reconnect with yourself.
And remind yourself that confidence isn’t competitive — it’s liberating.