Family Functions & Fake Smiles: Practicing Confidence in Toxic Settings
Family functions in South Asian households can feel like a battleground in disguise. The food’s hot, the aunties are louder, and the unsolicited comments flow faster than the chai. For Gen Z girls like Naveen, confidence doesn’t just mean showing up—it means knowing who you are even when the room tries to make you forget.
In this post, we explore what confidence actually looks like at those “smile and nod” moments—through the story of Naveen, who constantly gets compared to her married sister, Talia.
The twist? Both sisters are pit against each other, but both are victims of the same toxic culture of judgment.
🎭 Scenario 1: The Comparison Olympics
Setting: A cousin’s engagement party. You’re barely inside when the comparisons begin.
Relative:
“Naveen beta, Talia really made us proud. She’s married, has kids, such a well-settled life. When will we hear good news from you?”
Naveen (with a calm smile):
“Talia’s doing great—and so am I, just in a different chapter. We’re both thriving in our own ways.”
🔹 Why this works: Naveen shifts the focus from competition to coexistence. She refuses to be pressured into proving her worth.
🧊 Scenario 2: Backhanded Body Comments
Relative:
“You used to be thinner. Look at Talia—after two kids, she still looks amazing. You should ask her for tips!”
Naveen (with warmth, not weakness):
“Talia’s journey is hers, and I’m proud of her. I’m learning to treat my body with kindness, not criticism.”
🔹 Why this works: Naveen addresses the insult without lashing out. She stays grounded in self-respect, not approval.
🧠 Scenario 3: The “Trophy Husband” Problem
Relative (giggling):
“Talia is so lucky. Her husband’s so handsome! Naveen, you’ll need to look extra pretty to get someone like that.”
Naveen (deadpan but polite):
“Good thing I’m not auditioning for looks. I’m more interested in partnership, not trophies.”
🔹 Why this works: It disrupts the sexist assumption that a woman’s worth is based on “landing” a man—and does it without creating a scene.
❤️ Scenario 4: Sister Solidarity
Later, in the kitchen with Talia
Talia (quietly):
“They say I ‘won’ because I have a good-looking husband, but sometimes I feel invisible in this family.”
Naveen:
“They pit us against each other, but I know we’re both just surviving the same storm. You’ve always been more than just a wife or mom, Tal.”
Talia (softly smiling):
“And you’ve always been enough—just as you are.”
🔹 Why this matters: Healing begins when women stop seeing each other as rivals and start becoming each other’s refuge.
Here’s a pie chart visualizing the most common toxic experiences South Asian women report at family functions—like Naveen in the blog post. These stats reflect widespread themes from community surveys, forums, and anecdotal insights:
- 82% have been questioned about marriage.
- 75% have been compared to married siblings.
- 71% have had their appearance prioritized over their achievements.
- 68% have experienced body shaming.
- 60% have been criticized for career choices.
- 55% have received backhanded compliment
Here’s a bar graph showing the prevalence of toxic experiences South Asian women commonly face at family gatherings:
- The most frequent issue is being questioned about marriage (82%).
- Close behind is comparison to married siblings (75%) and appearance-over-achievements comments (71%).
- Body shaming, career criticism, and backhanded compliments also affect a significant majority.
🧘♀️ Final Thoughts
Confidence isn’t always loud. Sometimes, it’s the quiet strength to not flinch when people question your worth. It’s choosing dignity over defensiveness. It’s choosing compassion over comparison.
Naveen doesn’t raise her voice—she raises her boundaries.
If you’ve ever walked into a room where the comments hit harder than the compliments—this one’s for you. You don’t need to shrink or prove yourself. You are enough, even in rooms that don’t know how to hold your greatness.