We were supposed to grow together.
Laugh over shaadi invites, not send them to each other with polite emojis.
But somewhere between college and adulthood, my best friend stopped asking what I wanted—and started suggesting who I should marry.
And just like that, she turned into my personal rishta auntie.
🎭 When Friendship Meets Cultural Timelines
There’s a shift that happens in South Asian friendships:
- You go from sharing secrets to hiding milestones
- From group chat selfies to filtered wedding portraits
- From “When’s your birthday?” to “When’s your wedding?”
It’s not about jealousy.
It’s about expectation.
And how some friendships quietly change when you don’t follow the same cultural calendar.
🧭 Navigating the Shift Without Losing Yourself
✅ Set gentle boundaries — “I love you, but I’m not ready for this conversation.”
✅ Say no to unsolicited matchmaking — even if it’s “well-meaning”
✅ Reconnect on shared history — not future expectations
✅ Grieve the version of the friendship that no longer exists
✅ Let people change, but decide if they can stay
💌 Dear Ammi, I’m Not Broken—I’m Just Not Married
This one’s a letter.
The kind you write at 2 a.m. but never send.
The kind you whisper into your pillow after another awkward family dinner.
The kind you wish your mom would read without taking it personally.
✉️ An Excerpt from the Letter We All Want to Write
Dear Ammi,
I know your concern comes from love.
But every time you say, “What will people think?”
I hear, “You’re not enough.”I want marriage too—but on my timeline, not theirs.
I’m building myself.
I’m not wasting time.
I’m healing.
I’m learning to be okay alone so I never settle.I’m not broken, Ammi.
I’m just not married.Love,
Your daughter
🧠 Journal Prompt: “If I could speak without being interrupted, I would tell my parents…”
📓 Download the full Open Letter Writing Template — a tool to safely unpack what you wish you could say to your family.
🗣️ South Asian Parent Apologies: What Healing Sounds Like in Broken Urdu
Sometimes, apologies don’t come as “I’m sorry.”
They sound like:
- “Chai bana doon?”
- “Bas tu khush reh.”
- “Zyada ghoomna mat.” (Because worry sometimes hides as control)
- “Main bura baap nahi banna chahta tha.”
🧶 What Generational Healing Sounds Like
| Old Script | New Healing Language |
|---|---|
| “Yeh sab toh hota hi hai” | “That must’ve been hard. I didn’t know you felt that.” |
| “Log kya kahenge?” | “What do you want?” |
| “Shaadi ke baad sab theek ho jaata hai” | “You deserve happiness, with or without marriage.” |
| Silence | “I’m listening now.” |
These might be small sentences. But in South Asian homes, they’re revolutions.
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